I went to the enter shikari show at the roxy on tuesday. MAN, I almost forgot what a concert was like. besides these lads putting on the most entertaining show ever(as always), I literally had a blasty blast shovin people around like the good old days. I MISS IT. I miss my entire life being surrounded by concerts. and before I go on some rant about how I miss my old life, I’ll just cut it short and say I FUCKIN MISS MY OLD LIFE. growing up sucks. don’t grow up people. I really don’t recommend it. if you can find some loophole, just stay young forever. go to every concert you can, while you still can.

I miss doing art

I miss my mom

I miss traveling

I miss doing warped tour. yeah, I said it

I miss teaching dance

I miss acting

I miss my dog

I miss having a social life

welcome to my sob story. excuse me while I sit in my in my self pity and wonder why the fuck I gave up my old life. I hate growing up. I have no time for anything anymore, I am now living to work instead of working to live. and there is something definitely wrong with that.

I’m so tired of doing shit for a trade for copy agreement and getting fucked in the end. it literally happens every fucking time I do something for free. & it don’t matter if it’s a small production or big. I did a photoshoot with a huge photographer, nothing in return, was supposed to perform on stage with stevie wonder, but they’re production company are a bunch of unorganized fuck ups and had to cut half the people when we were already there hours away from performing. I’m beyond frustrated at this point and feel like I have to act like a “diva” for anyone to notice me. there has been so many other instances where I never received a copy, and I’m literally putting my hat down on doing shit for free. OVER IT. I just need to join the union and get this shit out of the way already.

so I’m slowly getting out of this slump I’ve been in. and it feels awesome. I started taking more dance classes again. and it just feels so right. a brand new studio that’s local just opened and they’re looking for teachers and pay $30-$40/hr….why the fuck did I quit teaching again? I wanted to punch myself in the face when I saw that. I’m no where near being able to teach…yet, but like I said I’m getting there. but on the flip side I will be performing on the nokia stage with stevie wonder. uh no biggie. HAHA! this might be one of my greatest achievements as a dancer. so extremely stoked. :)

it terrifies me that I’m losing sight of who I am. I don’t feel inspired anymore and it makes me incredibly sad. I hate my monotonous 9 to 5 job. I really feel the pressure of turning 24 and still not being somewhat financially stable. I’ve always gone after my dreams and done what I wanted. why the fuck did I stop that? why am letting this job get in the way? well the obvious being money. but I really need to take a step back and rethink everything in my life because it’s slipping by too fast.

it’s been awhile since I let my thoughts run wild. so here it goes. feel free to scroll down and skip this post haha. I am ready for a new job already. It bothers me that I dread coming to work. my job is to put on a fake smile and pretend everything is okay, while people scream in my face and try to get what they want, while doing 5 things at once. I’ve always wanted to work in the hotel industry, since I was a little girl. and I knew this job would be hard work. but I hate the fact I come home stressed out of my mind everyday. and I just found out they hardly give raises and are just another business with empty promises. the benefits and the fact I have a full time job, are the only thing keeping me here. I just feel like I’m wasting my time yet again. hopefully I can get out of there and soon. but I realize this economy is still in the shit hole. so I guess time will only tell.

I looked at art schools online, and almost wanted to cry when I saw they’re over $80,000. I don’t wanna be in more debt, especially for the rest of my life, so I refuse to do a loan. I just need to win the lotto so I can go and finish school…among other things haha.

I’m gonna do the Insanity work out. you work out for 40mins to an hour 6 days a week for two months straight. I’m stoked out of my mind, and don’t know how I’ll have time to do it but it’ll happen. just waiting for the dvds now. I’m not gonna be able to move the next two months but it’ll be so worth it.

I’ll be in vegas to see incubus in less than a month. sooo excited. cannot even wait!

I’m sorry if I wasted your precious time on tumblr. here’s a gif to make up for it:

so stoked on life. I’m just so inspired and open minded right now. I love it. on monday, after weeks of deliberation I will be starting the master cleanse. I have done so much research on this, so please. I know exactly what I’m getting myself into. I’m just so ecstatic for this lifestyle change. I’ve been losing weight with regular dieting and exercising. but I am ready to step it up a notch and start brand new. I just got my haircut. dying it this week. I’m finally getting serious with my career. this positive energy is exactly what I need to start this new chapter. life is good. :)

I lost 6 pounds in one week. I already fell healthier, both mentally & physically. I changed my diet and go to the gym around 4 times a week. & I’ll go twice a day for 2 days in those 4 days. I’m slowly yet surely going back to the person I was and wanna be. & I have all my ducks in a row for what I wanna do. summer is my goal to get down where I wanna be and with what I wanna do. let’s hope I can keep this up. *happy dance* :)

sooo. I’ve decided I’m not gonna sell my canon. cuz that would be stupid and just silly. no instead, I’ve decided to become a prostitute everybody! yay! it’s easy money, I get laid, & I get to dress like a hooker! where’s the harm in that?!……………….this just in, it has come to my attention that prostitution here is illegal. oh shucks.

IN OTHER NEWS, I would never become a hooker followers, please know that. so I have finally chose a photographer to shoot my headshots. david muller. super stoked to work with him and see how they come out. it’ll be in a couple months but stoked nonetheless. starting next week I am doing the infamous master cleanse for 10 days. I am not stoked about this because I will not be able to have food…coffee…or alcohol. I do not know how I will survive. & if this shit doesn’t work, I will be one upset missy. but I’m thinkin positive right now. pretty much about everything. it’s been a long time coming, but I can see only light at the end of the tunnel. & I hope that path doesn’t cloud up again anytime soon or ever for that matter. I’m so stoked to finally feel confident in what I want to do and taking the right steps towards it. it’s an awesome feeling.

as I was getting dirty looks by her favorite dancers I started to feel my confidence grow again. maybe I haven’t lost it yet? I mean I’m no where how I used to be. but I’m getting there. I just immediately felt at home when I was up there. & at the end of class she pulled me aside & asked if I would like to do a competition in april. I’m stoked to say the least. the last two years have been so rough on me. I was starting to lose sight of who I am. I’m just excited that yesterday the passion for dance I once had was sparked in me again. it feels good to feel that again. it’s been too long.